With all the screeing pre-teens swooning over the release of Twilight, I just wanted to throw my two eyeteeth in. I haven’t read the book, nor do I plan to see the movie, but I have some major problems with what I do know of the storyline. In short, it’s the fact that the main male protagonist is a vampire. VAM-PIRE. Nosferatu. Nightstalker. Blood ghoul. Child of the Night. Chupacabra.
Maybe not that last one.
Anyway, from my many hours spent role-playing D&D and Cthulhu, and my current reading of The Dresden Files, I know that vampires aren’t cured by love of some weepy tart alone. They need to be staked. Possibly subsequently beheaded and burned.
So, here’s how I think the movie should go:
Weepy teenage girl: “You’re a vampire!”
Vampire dude with bad hair: “Yes, but I’m a wounded vampire. I’m a strong male character with a flaw. Your love can heal me.”
{days pass}
Girl: “AAAAH! You bit me!!!”
Vampire: “Yah, you’ll be my thrall by dawn.”
Girl: “I thought you were a good vampire, though! I can’t believe this! I should’ve listened to my mother, and stayed away from the undead!”
Vampire: “Woman, I’ve done this for the past 400 years. I don’t need weepy teenage hangers-on. I need servants that can move my furniture and make me coffee.”
THE END
Tags: preteen screeching, thrallbait, Twilight
So, as I mentioned in a previous post, I’m running my first 4e game soon. I’m not 100% sold on it, just like I’m not 100% sold on 3.5. But, I do have some serious questions I need to ask before I go forward.
- How hard is it for a character to die in 4e? To me, with all the checks and healing surges, it seems nearly impossible. That seems to really rob the game of any sense of danger.
- Do the limited number of ‘paths’ make it difficult to truly ‘customize’ a character? (i.e. do all Fighters feel alike?)
- Are the number of given options in combat overwhelming or freeing compared to 5th ed? Do they eventually get tedious?
- Do the healing surges, in practice, really mean that you’re never carrying around any damage?
- Is there anything I should know about the learning curve? Any beginner’s mistakes I need to look out for?
Tags: 4e, advice from readers, D&D, RPG